there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize