haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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