Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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