So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
