I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
