woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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