I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
