Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My vagina is officially offended.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
