3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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