Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yo dont text me then not text me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
