i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
