I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
