I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
