We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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