As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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