do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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