so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
