My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
