jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
