I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
