I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize