Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
