It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
