it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
