I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
