We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
