alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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