you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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