The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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