I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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