you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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