Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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