I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
