apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
