My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
