its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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