That's when you crack a 10am beer
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
