i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Fuck appropriateness.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
