I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
