He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
