does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
