69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
