if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
