I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
