I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you will always have a special place in my vag
you told grandpa to call you daddy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
