I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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