I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize