Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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