I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
