dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
