Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
