I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize