I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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