So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All the doctor said was why
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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