If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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