it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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