Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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