Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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