I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
