Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
