Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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