he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
