Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
