used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
