wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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