he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
