Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
