im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
