The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
