I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
