If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
