dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
