By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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