i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
