so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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