shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
