Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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