You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my sisters under your porch take her home
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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