I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
