He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
