hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
